on the first three days, we were instructed to observe our respiration. over and over being aware of the sensations on the in-breath and out-breath and the sensation in your nostril and on your upper lip.
once past the beginers’ stuff, we were taught the technique of vipassana, which is basically a full body scan, checking for every sensation that might appear, subtle or gross, observing it with perfect equanimity. it was a welcome change after the days of mentally staring at your nose. so we scanned, swept, had no sensations, gross sensations that slowly changed. everything is impermanent, gojinka said, be equanimous to the sensations and observe as they change.
level up
on the fourth day, the sitting of strong determination started. three times a day, during group meditation, we were supposed not to open our eyes (and check the remaining time on the teacher’s small clock) and not to change sitting position or to open one’s hands. if people kind of gotten the hang of sitting until now, strong determination sittings sent us into new realms of sensations.
cushion stacking art
with it, the builders of meditation thrones took a simple meditation cushion to new heights, building complicated cushion towers with supports for the knees and hands. soon, the closets once full of cushions were empty.
noble silence
we were constantly reminded to maintain noble silence at any time. I remember my second vipassana retreat last november. my bunkmates on top, left to me, from the back of the room, all snoring in a sort of strange communication, me in between, wide awake, trying equanimity, trying to observe my respiration while trying to fall asleep. this time it was pocafey’s turn. she had her bunk between the two doors to the women’s toilets which banged shut when not closed softly. you get the picture. 🙂
our meditation hall was situated next to the kitchen and the rest of the time, the non-meditative stomachs took over the conversation, again having some kind of chat among themselves about what they were having for breakfast or diner or about the non-existing supper.
the sankara business
the gross sensations were referred to as sankaras, old habit patterns of aversion or craving. tankaras are created all the time. the moment we react to them (what our body and mind does without us being able to help it), they get stored. some are like a line drawn in sand and which the ocean comes to wash away. some are carved in stone over and over, and they take time to bring to the surface. now the moment we stop reacting to those sankaras, we are actively decreasing our stock of old sankaras and by following the triple gem, we avoid creating new ones. hence the theory. now the sankaras of aversion are easy detectable – it’s simple pain. the sankaras of craving show themselves in pleasant sensations to which our mind tends to cling.
Ecstasy or XTC?
on the morning of day six, I had a moment of this blissful state. it sure felt like being on XTC. the basic reaction was wow, what the fuck is this. all the pains gone, just waves of bliss and ecstasy floating through my body. I tried to maintain equanimous until at one point, if felt almost uncomfortable being high in the midst of a meditation retreat. but – as everything – it rose and passed away.
wrestling the monkey mind
from day one to day ten, the main opponent with which all of us sparred on the inside training mat while sitting quietly was our minds. headspace, one of the most successful mindfulness apps on the market, has these beautiful video on how the monkey mind (or wandering mind, flickering mind) works. yes, wrestling is the wrong word, but it’s a process becoming befriended with your monkey mind and this process requires practice (hence the word meditation practice).
the ten thousand ways
there are loopholes for every mind to get your attention. be it sexual fantasies (my major one back there in kathmandu in my first ever vipassana retreat), furnishing your new apartment (pocafey’s one), working on new creative projects with recycled skateboards (well, take a wild guess whose mind that is) and so on. it’s interesting once you know that these are your loopholes, you’ll get back to the river of your thoughts faster and can focus on your work at hand sooner. as said, it’s a practice.
I guess there are the ten thousand ways the tao te king speaks about getting distracted, but there is only one way that goes the other way.
